We are never renting that movie again
by Xanderrocksthehouse
Summary: Buffy,Xander and Willow find out they are making a movie based on there lives. The problem is it's not the kind of movie they think.


Xander ran in to Buffy's apartment calling out. "Buffy get your ass down here. Willow you too. I have something you've got to see." Buffy ran down the steps quickly.

"What's wrong Xander? Demon? Vampire? Beast?"

"Movie." Willow raised her eyebrow confused.

"What movie?'

"Andrew downloaded that movie off line they made about us." Buffy looked even more confused.

"They made a movie about us?" Willow shrugged.

"Kind of makes sense. Ever since Harmony went public as a vampire and the world went all fang crazy it's only natural people are going to want to know the other side of it. Xander bent down putting the disc in to the DVD player.

"Yeah well Andrew downloaded this off the internet. It's supposed to come out on Tuesday, He didn't want us seeing it so I kind of had to wait for the right opportunity to get on his computer." Xander went to the couch grabbing the remote control. Willow joined him on one side and Buffy on the other. Buffy sighed looking at the television.

"Why do I have a feeling no good is going to come of this?" With that Xander pushed play as the movie started.

The scene in the movie looked like a cheaply put together library. The first character to walk on scene was a blonde girl dressed in a tight shirt with a super short mini skirt. As Buffy sat on the couch her jaw dropped.

"That sure as hell better not be me." Xander tilted his head looking at the girl.

"I do have to say that I don't think she could slay very well with boobs that big." Willow hit Xander's arm.

"Shhhh I want to hear what they are saying," Just then a brunette man in blue jeans and a ugly button up shirt that was half way open walked on to the screen.

_"Hey Boffme. How did the slaying go last night?"_ She placed her hand at the top of his shirt touching his bare chest

_"It was just awful Xand. Half way through the night I used my last stake and I couldn't find any wood anywhere."_

_ "Well Boffme it's funny you should say that cause I have plenty of wood you can use when ever you feel the need."_ Her hand traced down to his belt pulling it off her waist as she she lowered down on her knees.

Just then Buffy sitting on the couch stood up in rage, "WHAT THE HELL IS SHE DOING." Willow just stared at the screen unable to turn away.

"That is an awful strange way to greet a friend." Xander couldn't help but laugh at what he had stumbled upon. Buffy then snatched the remote out of his hand and pressed fast forward.

"And seriously? My characters name is Boffme. Really?" Xander's head was racing by the fact that they had turned their lives in to a porno.

"This is just unreal?" Finally Willow spoke up trying to calm down Buffy.

"Relax Buffy it's just a movie and I'm sure." Finally the scene was done and Buffy pushed played on the remote. The next scene focused on another gorgeous brunette with huge boobs sitting at a table in front of a computer.

_"It's no use I'm just not good at this stuff and I'm never going to learn it"_

Willow got a bad feeling in her stomach. "Is that a computer lab they are in" Just then the camera focused on a bouncy red head that came to the brunette touching her shoulder.

_"Don't worry about it Whoredeila. I am here for you. Computers respond much like people. You just have to know the right touch. The right stroke." _

_ "Well Willow I'm hoping you can teach me some of those touches and strokes and"_ With that the two on screen characters started kissing. This time it was Willow who stood up on the couch outraged.

"CORDEILA. They have me screwing CORDEILA." Willow dove for the remote quickly trying to get it. Buffy laughed this time she got up off the couch running trying to keep her from getting the remote.

Xander stood up trying to get a handle on the situation. "Wait girls let's just watch it all the way through and we will never speak of this again." Buffy stopped and looked at him.

"You want to keep watching it?"

""No not in a perverted want to watch some humping kind of way." Willow stopped and raised an eyebrow at him.

"Really?'

"Okay maybe a little really but honestly the thing is people are going to watch this. When they do they are going to think were all a bunch of horny screw happy sex fiends. When people come and ask about if I really did such and such I want to know what the hell they are talking about."

"Willow he does kind of make a point. Let's just get through this destroy the disc afterwards and pretend we never seen it." Willow opened her mouth to object but sighed then just sat down on the couch resuming watching.

Over the next hour and a half they had seen just about every combination of Scooby's hooking up with each other. In some casers it wasn't just Scooby's. It was a big bad hooking up with another evil big bad or Scooby's hooking up with a big bad. Finally when they didn't think they couldn't take anymore the credits finally rolled. Very slowly Buffy raised her arm to the TV pushing the off button on the remote.

All three of them sat there for a moment not saying anything their jaws on the floor. After what seemed like an eternity Willow said something.

"I don't remember defeating Glory by all of having sex with her at once."

"And all the years that I have been training with Giles I am fairly certain we never did any of those exercises." Xander could see the look on their faces and tried to offer them some comfort.

"Guys it's a porno. It's not real life of course they exaggerate and make up. The people who watch these things don't care about the story they just want to see everyone hook up and do things like" Buffy put up her hands not wanting Xander to go in to it.

"Yeah I get it Xander." Willow looked at Xander then sighed.

"He does make a point. Some idiot in the valley probably wrote a script out in half an hour. It's not like they know a thing about you or me or any of us." With that Buffy walked to the DVD player pushing the eject button grabbing the disc.

"If you two don't mind I'll do the honors." She broke the disc in half then dropped it in to the trashcan. "Now we will never speak of this again." Simultaneously both of them nodded and said.

"Agreed." Willow walked to the fridge grabbing bottled water She twisted the cap and took a sip.

"The funny thing is it's just so unrealistic. I mean come on me with Cordeila." Xander nodded in simple agreement.

"I know what you mean stuff like that never happens in real life." Buffy headed up the stairs. "So what are your plans for the night Buffy."

"Not sure yet but I'm thinking I'm going to go take a shower. Do you two want to join me?"

Xander made a face thinking it over. "Okay fine but I get to wash your front this time." Willow followed her up the stairs behind Xander.

"You always get the front"


End file.
